My pregnancy with Julianna is sometimes hard to write about. There were so many ups and downs with many twists and turns along the way. It will take awhile to be able to write about many of the amazing experiences I had with her. But, knowing every day could have been her last was almost too hard to bare. I woke up every morning wondering if she had passed in my sleep. I went every day keeping mental notes on how many times she kicked in an hour and then at times I had to make sure she wasn’t kicking too much as some sign of distress. Majority of the time, I kept my eyes on Christ, knowing that I cannot fix any of the problems and I was just along for the ride, but carrying her sometimes felt unbearable. It was heart-wrenching. I prayed every day for just a little more time with her. I knew if I wasn’t going to have time with her after her birth, then I was going to enjoy the time I had with her while she rested in my belly.
In wondering how to write about that experience, I remembered a video. At the time that I carried her, I remember watching this clip and thinking, “that’s exactly what it feels like”. It is probably the best description I could find to help anyone understand what it felt like to carry her every day of my pregnancy. This clip is from Facing the Giants. With God as my coach.